I Want to Drive a Hover Car

I want to drive a hover car
And live upon the Moon.
I want to have a robot
And not get dressed till noon.
I want to fire a laser gun,
Repel the alien hordes,
While wearing silver trousers
(And never light brown cords).
I want a million TV screens
On each and every wall
And in the middle of the room,
A holographic ball.
I want to never have to carry
Money or a phone -
The implant in my brain will mean
I don’t need a ring tone.
I want to be a space man,
To travel to the stars,
To flit between the planets
And check out all the bars;
And when I return to Earth,
Or Pluto or the Moon,
I’ll be knackered from all the travelling
And stay in bed till noon!

Super Pixie Dust Sneeze

18feb14

I like to sneeze dramatically.

DS001_sneezing bear

28feb14

The acoustics of my hood make my vocal drum sounds resound.

DS002_drum hood

1mar14

What if the hokey cokey really is what it’s all about?

DS003_hokey cokey duck

If pixie dust makes you fly, why do fairies need wings?

DS004_wendy darling flying

The man at Stourbridge Station looked like Lex Luthor’s dad!

DS005_lionel luthor

I/Not-I

Left my wallet at home the other. Felt very discombobulated. No train pass, no money, no ID. Not that I needed the latter two, but… who are we without money or ID? We are who we are, but leads me to think how much society (Modern Western Society) requires us to ‘prove’ who we are. Not only that, but to create and establish personas, which may bear little or no resemblance to our deeper selves.

Puts me in mind of the Zen notion of detaching, removing ourselves from our selves, from our perception of our selves, in order to bear witness, non-subjectively, to reality.

My God, that’s it! That’s the metaphor!

Thankfully the nice train man got me to sign something that said if I showed my pass the next day, I wouldn’t have to pay a fine.

Words

* WARNING – CONTAINS MATERIAL THAT MAY OFFEND *

Within the strictures of Modern Western Society, there are words that cause offence. Prior to parenthood, this fact only flitted briefly through my consciousness, but as my daughter becomes more lucid, more aware and more curious, which coincides with my working in an educational establishment, it numerously falls upon me to attempt, often unsatisfactorily, to ‘explain’ why some words are okay and some are unacceptable, especially in particular contexts – the school playground or in class, for example.

Recently it has become evident that my daughter has a potentially burgeoning interest in cars – the faster, the shinier, the sportier, the better. Consequently, upon spotting a copy of ‘Top Gear’ magazine at a car boot sale, the mother of my offspring decided to purchase said publication, unbeknownst to her at the time that it contained within the packaging a set of fridge magnets, with which one could construct and stick up on the fridge such phrases as “Oh cock.” Naturally the parent of a five-year-old does not particularly want their daughter going round saying “Oh cock” to all and sundry, but… well… it’s only a word, it only means the same as “willy” (or “william,” being her term of choice for the main dangly part of a boy), and as long as she doesn’t go round saying it to her teachers (which she wouldn’t – she is far too conscientious for that) or to her friends, such that they will then say it to their parents, who will, with possibly some concern, pass it on to us, then where’s the harm?

“It’s only a word…”

Because words are only words, aren’t they? What’s in a “cock” or a “fuck” or a “cunt” or a “bastard” or a “shit” or a “piss” or an “arse”? Even my predictive text won’t accept these delightful terms, unless I program it otherwise. How judgmental is that?! There is probably some historical or cultural significance in expletives and their degree of offensiveness, but does anyone think about this when using them? I doubt it.

I baulked at writing the c-word. Please don’t make me write it again! It makes me feel… ooh I dunno… funny. Somehow, though, I can hear Tyrion Lannister of Game of Thrones say it and it feels okay, appropriate, funny even, but I shall dip my tongue in a pot of putrid pirhanas before the word passes through my lips. Why? Why do I accept my daughter’s utterance of the odd “bugger” (which, if you think about it, has pretty, um, graphic connotations) or “willy,” but consider “cock” to be pushing it, and the f-word or, at the top of the list, the c-word, would certainly be going too far?

I don’t believe any of these words have any particular intellectual or semantic resonance with me, but I suppose my “feeling funny” at their utterance (in particular contexts) probably filters down from general cultural perception to the level of the individual (ie me). I am who I am, because society made me that way. But I don’t want to be! I don’t want to conform! And I don’t want the children in my charge and my daughter to (feel like they have to) conform! These words are just words, they are expressive – if not overused (as any words should not be overused), they can, in the right contexts, be the best available words to express a particular emotion, feeling, action, state of mind or being. So why do we censor? Why do particular strings of letters “offend” (to varying degrees, which I reckon could be numerically expressed), where I suspect that most folk would be unable to elucidate why they offend?

I am forced to conclude, in the end, that the argument is circular. There are words that offend, because people find them offensive, and if we don’t want to offend, and we don’t want our charges or our offspring to offend, then they should be avoided. Of course, there will be times when we want to offend. But I can’t be effing bothered to talk about that now.

Smoking Sausages

7feb14

Barbie Queue

NNS001_BBQ

8feb14

On 12feb14 I told someone off for smoking! (I felt like I needed a gin and a lie down…)

NNS004_old lady doing peace sign

… and on the morning of 13feb14 he was smoking outside the platform – victory! :)

Hierarchies fall into place…

NNS005_pecking order

Award winning sausages.

NNS006_sausages

MatrixRevolutions58-81
[the dock is breached]

NNS007_MatRev dock breached

13feb14

The cold quiet brightness of ‘Ski Sunday,’ following the Saturday night indulgence of burgers and ‘CHiPs.’

NNS008_ski sunday chips

17feb14

People who make sweeping statements are stupid.

NNS009_sweeping

The Zen of Game of Thrones

Everything is going along as you expect it to and then Ned Stark gets his head chopped off.

ZG001_Ned Exec

We adapt.

We get back into the groove.

Everything is going along as you expect it to and then the Red Wedding happens.

ZG002_Red Wedding

We adapt.

We get back into the groove.

Season 4.

ZG004_GoT S4

Algebraic Benches

14jan14

I have been enjoying algebra!

AL001_dear algebra

16jan14

Art, Fart and Cabaret.

AL002_art fart cabaret

Science Fiction becomes Alternate History.

AL003_1984 orwell movie

Benches…

AL004_benches view

17jan14

David Tennant @ Hagley

AL005_hagley tennant

18jan14

estoppel = “Thou must not contradict”…?

AL006_CK Contradiction

20jan14

Pro’s and Cons of Frost:
CON: Cold.
PRO: I can walk across the field, thus cutting half a minute or so off my journey to the train station. Bonus! :)

AL007_frosty grass

Am I in an alternate universe? The train was… early!

AL008_dark tower blaine

21jan14

It’s a froggy day.

AL009_raining kermits

25jan14

Happy birthday Mac!

AL010_first mac

26jan14

Pinga!

AL011_pinga

Bi-i-ig Hu-u-ug!

Teletubbies Invasion

29jan14

‘Broccoli on board’

AL013_broccoli tree

2feb14

AL014-17_save

AL018-20_quit

MatrixRevolutions18-58

AL021_MatRevFireBaneSmith