O For a Witty Quip

A pair of Mormons (presumably, being young handsome American gentlemen who wanted to “talk about God and Jesus Christ”) stopped me on the way into Kidderminster today – to ask if I wanted to, as mentioned, “talk about God and Jesus Christ.”

I responded thus:

“No thanks, I’ve gotta be somewhere” – while waving the book I was carrying (Stephen King’s Cell, detail fans) vaguely in the direction of Somewhere.

My God, I’m a writer, I should be able to do better than that!

But no.

At least I managed to remember to smile.

* * *

Later that day…

Gaah! And then they got me on the way back! “Hello y’arright,” said Mormon No.2 (as he has come to be known to me in our brief acquaintance), at which I responded with a “Nrrr’yrt” (or something like that) and a swift upward flick of the aforementioned book (remembering, of course, to smile (although it was a bit of a harassed smile))…

If only I had time to prepare for these things!

But then again, maybe the double encounter was fate’s way of telling me I should “talk about God and Jesus Christ” – if not to these two handsome young American gentlemen, then to someone… or to myself…

Hmm… :-/

Snapshot

Death defines us.

Ooh morbid – you may think – especially for the first piece in your new Journal (*).

“Well yes,” says I; “except that this piece isn’t so much about the ‘death’ part of that first sentence, as it is about the ‘defines us’ part.”

I was led to thinking (or re-thinking) about this cheerful topic by an equally cheerful story in a recent newspaper – about someone being murdered. As I’m not generally into offending people and you never know who might happen to click upon this blog, I’m not about to go into specifics, suffice it to say that the newspaper headline referred to the work of the person who lost their life – i.e. what they did to earn a wage. This seems to be standard newspaper practice. Standard news media practice.

Why?

I suppose one’s “profession” is an easy, headline-friendly way of defining or describing a person. That and things like age, race and gender. You know, arbitrary stuff. And I suppose people do often judge people by these things.

But aren’t they just flimsy paper labels on a deep, mysterious and often bafflingly complex box?

(Or something like that)

When someone dies, especially in a tragic and unexpected way, as befits a newspaper headline, it’s like their life, their existence, is a stick of seaside rock, and what you see at the end of that stick of rock – what is written on the surface thereupon – is an instantaneous snapshot of that person’s life. “What was” – a newspaper journalist might ask – “this person at the moment of their demise? How old were they? What did they do for a job? Where did they live?… etc.”

Never mind the person’s thoughts and feelings and ambitions and political leanings and philosophy on the meaning of love and so on. The person worked in a shop (or a bank or a restaurant or down a mine) – this is of primary importance.

Irrespective of the rightness (or most definitely not, IMHO) of a newspaper headline’s way of defining someone who has met with a tragic demise… this is the way of things. And I fear and feel that – as with most things media-related – it is indicative of the wider societal context; with respect, I mean to say, of the way people are judged – of the way people are defined and described by the people doing the defining and describing. The stick of rock/tragic newspaper-reported death analogy just highlights the bigger picture.

So…

What is the moral of this story?

Not that there has to be one; and being my blog, I can, if I wish, leave it there and just have this piece be a having-a-go-at-newspapers-and-the-superficial-ways-people-judge-people kind of piece.

But I don’t want to just leave it there! I mean, what’s the point of just taking a swipe at something you don’t like, especially when that something is not at all bothered with your swipage, and in fact said swipage is but a microscopically irritating fly on the face of… ooh, I dunno… Jupiter? No point, that’s what. Apart, of course, from the undoubted cathartic value of spleen ventage… but other than that…

I want to expand!

So expand I shall…

Now I won’t say, “Imagine you have met with a tragic demise… etc” – because, you know, that encourages some pretty negative imagining, and as I have recently said on my other blog, I do believe, at least to some extent, that thoughts can create actual stuff. But what I will say is… [*CLICHÉ ALERT*]…

Live every day as if it is your last!

Not literally, because you may then go on a smoking, drinking, bonking, whatever-ing bender, which wouldn’t be good for anyone. But…

Referring back to my “Instantaneous Snapshot” comment, if someone took a slice-through-a-stick-of-rock-like snapshot of your life, right now, would you be happy with what you saw? Of course, no one expects you to “have it all sorted,” but would you be happy with where you’ve been, where you are going and the state of your life, soul and mind, right now? As you read this, are you able to stand back, proudly smile and say:

“Yup, that’s me!”

Just wondering…

= = = = =

(*) For the benefit of those reading this for the first time on my blog – i.e. everyone except me – the draft of this piece is the first thing I wrote in my latest Writing Journal.

Art of Tea-ish Progenitor-y-ness / Progenitor-ish Art of Tea-y-ness

My last couple of pieces, and one or two others, have been posted simultaneously to The Art of Tea and The Progenitor, on account of their thematic cross-over-y-ness. This has led me to wonder what I should do with future similar pieces. Should I…

A. Continue to post them simultaneously to The Art of Tea and The Progenitor?

B. Create another blog, which effectively merges The Art of Tea and The Progenitor?

C. Close The Art of Tea and only post, from now on, to The Progenitor, which has become my primary blog?

D. Only post pieces, henceforth, to The Art of Tea which have nothing or very little to do with parenthood/my status as a dad (that being the theme of The Progenitor)?

I have decided to go with option D!

I therefore urge my Art of Tea readers, who have not yet perused The Progenitor, to do so, because you are apt to find pieces of an Art of Tea-ish nature…

See you on the other side!

2009 : The Year of…?

When one has existed on this planet for over 37 years, the meaning of New Year celebrations becomes diminished. That’s not to even mention the fact that, with a nearly-eighteen-month-old child, one is only conscious to see 2009 become 2010 due to having to settle her back to sleep after she has been frightened awake by the fireworks. Nor that, after I took over an hour to get back to sleep then she was awake again at 4.15am, the first day of the second decade of the twenty-first century was, shall we say, a “difficult” day. But having not mentioned these things…

What is the point?

Of celebrating the New Year, that is.

I mean, it (January the first) is only another day, which is really no different from any other day.

Especially since, as one has a daughter who doesn’t understand the concept of a “lie-in,” one was in bed on 31/12/09 at the usual time of 9pm – or actually, thinking about it, I think we decided to be wild and stay up another 20 minutes!

So as I was saying…

Why bother celebrating the passing of one year and the beginning of another one?

Why bother making “New Year’s Resolution,” when one knows from experience that they will go largely unresolved? (I am happy to say I am not a smoker, and inasmuch as I can’t remember the precise statistic, I was shocked to see somewhere recently how many people give up smoking compared with how many are back on the fags within a month)

In response to the above question, referring in particular to the bracketed comment, I suppose what one could say is this…

It is better to try, with the tiniest chance of success, and to fail, than to not bother trying at all.

Hmm, I’m sure I could have put that a bit more succinctly. Still…

Is it not? – i.e. better to try… etc. I mean, accepting the arbitrariness of the passing from 31-Dec to 1-Jan, is this not as good an excuse as any to decide to at least try to make a number of positive (hopefully!) changes to one’s life? I would suggest that it is!

In relation to this suggestion, I would add a further suggestion to anyone making a list of New Year’s Resolutions, or who has already made a list (being, such that it now is, getting on for two weeks into 2010), to add one more to the list, that being…

I resolve to accept the likelihood that I will fail in some of the above Resolutions, perhaps even all, but I will not be dispirited by this and I will continue to try to change my life for the better.

If one keeps only this final Resolution, then one can, in a sense, never fail!

* * *

Before I move on from the topic of New Year’s Resolutions, may I just share with you some of mine? You may not give the proverbial fig, but it is my Blogger’s Prerogative to tell you them anyway, so there! So here they are…

1. Learn the ukulele! (I acquired one recently, from Freecycle, but have not picked it up as frequently as I would have liked, so I endeavour to make substantial use of the chord book my Other Half got me for Christmas)

2. Don’t sweat the small stuff! (I have an unfortunate tendency to worry about small, insignificant things, which I really don’t need to worry about (I won’t go into details, because it’s embarrassing) – I intend to at least be more aware of this, and perhaps even to devise a written plan)

3. Make more of your writing! (i.e. do some of those things I’ve recently realised I’ve been telling myself to do, for several years, in my writing journals)

4. Be more flexible, spontaneous and easy-going! (a three-pronged attack!)

5. Reuse more plastic bags! (particularly at my local Morrisons)

6. Find more time to read! (I want to, for example, catch up on the works of my teenhood fave, Stephen King)

* * *

As well as making resolutions, I feel that it can be useful, at the end of each year, to look back over the preceding twelve months and reflect upon what one has learnt, how one has grown, what challenges one has faced and overcome and such things.

“What has,” (one might say) “2009 been The Year Of?”

And one might make a list – quickly and spontaneously at first – from the biggest, most significant, monumental of things, to the (apparently (at first)) smallest, most trivial of things. Like so…

2009 has been The Year Of…

1. CBeebies! (I have become very strongly acquainted with the characters, themes, programme scheduling and so on, of such)

2. Becoming a Dad! (technically I became a dad in July 2008, but in 2009 I grew into properly feeling like a dad)

3. Getting Out of Accounts! (time will tell on this one, but since being made redundant in Sep’09, I have resolved to change my career (details later (probably))

That’ll do for now. I may think of more, but I feel that I want to wrap up this longish blog entry and get it posted – before I’m too far into Jan’10!

So…

Have a good’un!

By which I mean to say…

Have a good day.
Have a good January.
Have a good 2010.
Have a good life.

Etc!

[simultaneously posted to The Progenitor and The Art of Tea]

I Don’t Want to be “Informed,” Because Everything Annoys Me

I have become, as I confessed to my partner the other day, A Bit Of An Old Cynic. This came as no surprise to her. She has known me for nearly twenty years.

I have never been a fitting-in-not-complaining type of person – although my complaining tends to have been done in writing, to myself or amongst like-minded folk, on Internet forums or in a sixth form “Burning Issues” group, or whatever. I can safely say, however, that I am now, at 37, a fully fledged member of the I Detest and Disapprove of Almost Every Aspect and Facet of Almost Every System and Organisation of Modern Western Society brigade. For this reason, I don’t (or prefer not to) watch the News. I don’t (or prefer not to) listen to the News. I don’t (or prefer not to) read the News. I don’t want to be “informed,” because everything (well nearly everything) that the News tends to be about annoys me.

I used to love a Good Debate. There was nothing I liked more than spouting off about this, that or the other. Green Issues. Nuclear Weapons. Vegetarianism. The Ills of Capitalism. The Stupidness of “Fashion.” You might have noticed, on this here blog, that I still engage in a bit of spout-offery on various “issues.” I’ll write down what I think, post it blogwise, and that will pretty much be that.

I can’t (generally) be bothered, anymore, trying to convince someone on my rightness on some “issue” or other. I’m right in my head – that’s all that matters!

And… well… perhaps it’s due to my advancing maturity or something… but… I’ve realised that I just don’t enjoy getting all fired up like I used to. It stresses me out. It makes me feel powerless and depressed. There is so much that I believe is fundamentally wrong with the systems and organisations of the society I find myself abiding in. Stuff I can’t change. Stuff I can’t mentally accept, but just have to somehow live with. The News reminds me of this stuff. The News stresses and depresses me.

So I don’t want to be “informed”!

* * *

There is a happy ending to this piece.

At the time of writing, I am a dad of seventeen and a half months. My life is far from trouble-free, but my daughter makes me happy, my family makes me happy. I believe in being a dad. I believe in raising my daughter the best I can, making her as happy as I can. I don’t believe in much about the society which my Talise will become (in some sense) a part of, but I do believe in helping her to become the best person she can within that society.

And…

Being a dad has inspired me.

Having recently been made redundant has inspired me.

I haven’t figured it all out yet, but I am determined my Talise will look up at her Daddy and be proud. Proud that her Daddy is doing something he believes in.

I haven’t figured it all out yet…

But I’ll keep you “informed”…

[simultaneously posted to The Progenitor and The Art of Tea]

“Happiness Is…” (aka. 21 Signs That You Are No Longer In Your Twenties)

1. A neat rail of towels.
2. A full fridge/freezer/cupboard.
3. A freshly emptied bin with a nice clean binbag inside.
4. A freshly hoovered carpet.
5. Clean bed sheets.
6. Starting on a new tub of butter/jar of honey/packet of tea bags.
7. A freshly straightened throw, blanket and freshly plumped and arranged cushions on your sofa.
8. A new pair of socks.
9. Being well-stocked with toilet rolls, kitchen towel and Paracetamol.
10. A warm, freshly washed dressing gown.
11. Losing 2lb in a week where you didn’t feel like you made that much effort.
12. A hot cup of tea, a mince pice and a good book.
13. A nice cuddle.
14. Sleeping through a whole night without needing a wee.
15. A bottle of beer with Kirstie’s Homemade Christmas.
16. A bright’n'breezy chick flick on a Sunday afternoon with a Morrison’s cream cake (or two).
17. A nice bath (but not too hot or for too long, so you don’t get dizzy when you get out).
18. A good deal on a pack of nappies or beans or a box of cereal or some fish or a block of cheese.
19. Being a dad.
20. Being with my daughter’s mum.

The Appropriate Use of an In-Car Bazooka

When stupid white van drivers dither on junctions leading out onto National Speed Limit Roads, then pull out at the last minute!

…and things.

In Praise of Little Old Ladies

I had the “pleasure,” yesterday, of watching the TV programme, 10 Years Younger, in which two ladies in their seventies were given a so-called “make-over,” in order to make them look… um… 10 years younger. Basically, the programme makers succeeded in doing so (obviously) – in fact, said Bus Pass Holders were delighted to have approx. 20 years knocked off their apparent age. But…

I don’t even want to talk about the lady who opted for the plastic surgery route; resulting in indeed looking (by some definition) “younger,” but being so nipped, tucked, peeled, injected and what-have-you that she ended up looking like her skin was about to fall off and she was in constant pain.

I do, however, want to talk about the other lady, who chose a “treatment” involving the overhauling of her make-up, hairstyle and fashion sense – oh, and a little bit of “non-invasive” laser treatment to smooth out her old lady wrinkles. Upon completion of said “treatment,” Lady No.2 also appeared approx. two decades younger… but at what price?! Prior to the overhauling, she had a Little Old Lady Perm, Little Old Lady Specs and wore drab, shapeless Little Old Lady Clothes. But she had sparkly eyes, a warm smile and a voice you could listen to for hours, reminiscing about Way Back When. Thankfully she kept the voice, but she ended up looking like a fifty-something Human Resources Manager! “Younger” indeed, but losing her softness, her friendliness, and becoming incorrigibly, cloningly fashionable!

Fashionable, I tell you!

Why are we so obsessed with being fashionable, sexy and looking youthful?

Why, goddammit!

Okay, there is obviously a value in helping people to feel good about themselves, but I can’t help it… if she was my nan, I would feel intimidated!

I would feel uncomfortable in her presence!

It’s all about, make yourself feel good by looking good…

But what about, make yourself feel good despite how you look…?

Well I suppose that wouldn’t make such good TV…

:-/

Bucolic Montage No.1

What a difference (as they say) a day makes!

Life, for yours truly, has been a little, shall we say, “complicated” of late – as I have touched upon in my last piece (re redundancy and related gubbins). As I was walking home from dropping off (in a manner of speaking) my daughter and her mum at playgroup, however, it occurred to me what a beautiful, bright, crisp autumnal day it was.

And so I was inspired to take this pic…

And all (as they say) is well with the world!

Normal Service

I haven’t blogged for a while. As you might have noticed. I thought it was about time I did…

It really has been a while!

Things have changed quite a bit since I last blogged. For me, that is – the world has pretty much stayed the same. I was made redundant. My daughter is on the brink of running. And speaking of “running,” I am working on getting my writing career “up and…” – erm, running, that is. I have decided, as far as office-work is concerned, as far as spending my days doing boring old accountancy-type-stuff is concerned… that… that’s that! Well, we shall see how it goes, but I’m feeling positive about it all at the moment. I have created a decent-looking Writing CV, during the process of which I realised I have done more than I thought I had done (write-ingly speaking), I’m getting myself registered on freelancer websites and what-have-you, and I am pretty much ready to start bidding for jobs…

And I can hardly start putting myself out there as “A Writer” without resuming my frequent bloggery, can I?

So consider this my Getting Back to Blogging piece!

Or my Taking the First Steps Into Properwritersville piece!

Or something.