My Newfound Okay-ness With Football

I had bad experiences of PE at school. Although I may see things differently if I actually went back in time, I would say my PE teacher was a bit of a bully. I wasn’t naturally sporty and I wasn’t, let’s say, positively encouraged to enjoy sports. There were some exceptions, but my emerging feelings about football certainly derive in part from the above. I also, in my early childhood, was quite aware of football hooliganism – and I remember feeling quite intimidated by football fans running through the streets of Moss Side when there was a big match on… so football, for me, seemed to be a game for thugs.

Over the next couple of decades or so, I had no incentive to “get into” football. This has recently changed…

I work in a school.

The class I support is comprised of five teenage boys.

Two of those boys are “into” football.

We are also often joined by another teenage boy who is “really into” football.

Since September I have been largely supporting the PE teacher (who is more calm, patient, intelligent and funny than I remember my school PE teacher being) and his assistant – both of whom are “into” football.

I have also been recently supporting (and enjoying doing so) the lunchtime football club.

And I like and respect and enjoy being around the aforementioned footbally folk.

So can you see why I now have incentive? As such, this past week, I have looked at a football league table, asked the footbally folk for my predictions of forthcoming fixtures (see how I used the word ‘fixtures’?) to be added to the ongoing spreadsheet, acquainted myself with the ‘Rules of Football’ and gained a basic understanding of the Offside Rule. Re the latter, it is essentially about stopping a player from hogging the opponent’s goal, so that your team mates can spend all their time taking long shots, upon which the ball can be just chipped into the net (see how I said, “chipped into the net”?) – which would of course make for a boring game. Please forgive me, football fans, if my understanding of this is ‘offside’ (sorry).


The Missed Opportunity of Mutual Geekery

LAN, WAN, HAN… What do these terms mean to you? In the arcane world of Computer Science, they stand for Local Area Network, Wide Area Network and Home Area Network. But Star Wars fans amongst you might spot another connection. If I say, ‘-do Calrissian,’ ‘Obi Kenobi’ and ‘Solo,’ are you enlightened? Non-Star Wars fans will herewith remain stumped, so let me elucidate…

There are three characters in the Star Wars universe thus named:

LANdo Calrissian

Obi WAN Kenobi

HAN Solo

… Geddit now?

And yet…

From a brief Googlic perusal, I cannot find any evidence that this connection has been exploited (except in this tenuous link: That’s not to say that it hasn’t, the Internet being big and all, but I would have expected greater prominence. An ‘Obi WAN’ connecting the computers of the offices of Lucasfilm Ltd, for example…? Methinks a mutual geekish opportunity missed!



During the early 1990s the alternative music scene took off. As did I, in a sense. In my uni years (and thereabouts), I thoroughly immersed myself in shoegazers, Madchester, grunge, industrial and too many other subgenres to mention. I bought many cassettes. I did much dancing and drinking at nightclubs. Then I sort of musically drifted for about the next two decades – even, dare I say it, arriving at the point of “not being that interested in popular music (generally).”

A few months ago, upon acquiring an iPad and easy access to YouTube, I started listening a bit again. Over the last couple of weeks, I have started to make a playlist, entitled ‘Unistalgia,’ consisting of songs I would have listened to, danced to, drunk to, in the early 90s. It has been, as they say, a trip, a nostalgic blast. And then things got a bit weird.

I started to look into what some of these bands have done since I was majorly into them. Some no longer exist. Others have have split up, reformed, split up and reformed again. And yet others still exist (or did until recently), but in a different form. I listened to some of their relatively recent tunes, from the mid to late 90s and beyond… and I felt… kinda strange.

“Stop!” cried my brain, my ageing soul, as Ride, Lush and Pop Will Eat Itself became not just Bands Of The Past. “Desist and go no further!” it insisted, as the bubble of time within which these musical entities had existed burst, spraying my self with doubt and discomfort. At first I did not understand. You would think I would be happy that these icons of my youth still existed, still produced (or had until (relatively) recently) and had not dissolved into a timeless froth of obsolescence. And believe me, part of me was! The part of me that craves continuance, persistence and longevity.

But what is nostalgia if that to which one is nostalgic lives on?

Righteous Crumbs





You can never step in the same river twice.



Dan Ashton-Booth: “Were funeral directors in Ancient Egypt pyramid salesmen?”


A pressure guage measures how much pressure you are under by how many Bars you need to visit to alleviate the pressure.


Fairies Wear Boots


The teacher dreams of tea and a peach on the beach.






skateboard zen



sunlight highlights crumbs



If there’s no right, what’s left?


I Want to Drive a Hover Car

I want to drive a hover car
And live upon the Moon.
I want to have a robot
And not get dressed till noon.
I want to fire a laser gun,
Repel the alien hordes,
While wearing silver trousers
(And never light brown cords).
I want a million TV screens
On each and every wall
And in the middle of the room,
A holographic ball.
I want to never have to carry
Money or a phone –
The implant in my brain will mean
I don’t need a ring tone.
I want to be a space man,
To travel to the stars,
To flit between the planets
And check out all the bars;
And when I return to Earth,
Or Pluto or the Moon,
I’ll be knackered from all the travelling
And stay in bed till noon!