Pointless Proverbs

26 Jul 07

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And now this…

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  1. It takes more gerbils than anteaters to pluck the feathers from a griffin’s head.

  2. A cup of tea costs less than a bag of chips.

  3. “99 Red Balloons” is a song best remembered for the fact that it’s about 99 red balloons.

  4. Miners and miner birds are similar in that they both have the same number of feet.

  5. A flying fruit basket only travels at the speed at which it is thrown.

  6. Carpets and potatoes can never be joined in holy matrimony.

  7. “Jam” rhymes with “Spam,” but other than that there are no similarities (apart from the colour (but only slightly)).

  8. “Freedom” is a word with two E’s, an R, a D, an O, an M and an F, but not in that order.

  9. Cheese on toast is a dish best served warm, with a dash of soya sauce and a sliced tomato.

  10. Balancing bricks on your head is likely to result in a headache.

  11. A poke in the eye is worth 10p if you run a “Poke Me In The Eye For 10p” stall at a fair.

  12. A bird in the hand is worth £2.50 if bought from a stall where you can buy a bird for £2.50.

  13. Too many cooks spoil the TV schedule.

  14. A Rolling Stone should sit down, stop being so bloody energetic and give the young ‘uns a chance.

  15. In the Circus of Life, there are no safety nets, no elephants standing on one leg and no stupid looking men with baggy trousers and painted faces running around throwing buckets of confetti at each other.

  16. If you fall off your bike, you should buy a scooter instead (or a skateboard).

  17. A shard of glass in the soul of your foot is not as bad an axe to the head, but is worse than a staple in your thumb.

  18. There are none so blind as those who have had their eyes gouged out.

  19. The Landscape of Your Dreams is identical to The Landscape of Reality, except it is more dream-like.

  20. A tree has many branches… but a sausage has only one skin.

  21. Of all the books in all the world, only one is called “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.”

  22. If you paper your entire house with Post-Its, you are likely to get locked up.

  23. Never trust a man who tells you he’s a horse.

  24. The Heart of Man is a squidgy pink organ with tubes coming out of it.

  25. Crabs walk sideways, salmon swim upstream and lemmings jump off cliffs… but ZZ Top’s beards only grow in one direction.

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I thank you…

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((( also see “Pointless Proverbs II” for more pointless proverbs! 🙂 )))

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6 comments on “Pointless Proverbs

  1. Free to think, free to believe... says:

    Lemmings don’t jump off cliffs – if you want the truth you’ll have to ask for it…

  2. Peps says:

    Actually, Free, I did recently become aware of this fact…

    I thought, however, I would indulge this popular myth by way of the expression of a little artistic licence! 😉

  3. I am a lemming, and I speak for other lemmings when I say we jump off cliffs at regular intervals. I happen to be writing this from the bottom of a cliff. I, and many of my associates, have just jumped off a rather steep one. However, I see that there are still a few hesitant souls up there trying to decide if they have had enough leaping for one day.

    This is all wonderful stuff. Keep up the good work. I had a good laugh, and now I am going to have a cup of tea.

  4. Dan/Peps says:

    Many thanks, Mr R! 😉

    And, in the interests of mutual back-scratchery, keep up your own most inspiring and entertaining good “work” (although I hesitate at using the word “work,” but you know what I mean… 😉 )

  5. Free to think, free to believe... says:

    Interesting behaviour for a lemming, writing into a blog, further research is obviously required – which cliff did you say you were at the bottom of and I’ll send my exterminator, sorry, researcher along to ask you to fill out his, er, hammer, no, questionnaire. Yes, that’s it…

  6. […] Pointless Proverbs July 2007 5 comments 4 […]

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