Pointless Proverbs II

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31 Jul 07

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Being a sequel (if you will) to “Pointless Proverbs”

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  1. If you remember the ZX81, you are probably too old to know any songs by Goldie Looking Chain.

  2. When the Winds of Change blow across the Plains of Fate, the Travellers of Destiny get specks of the Dirt of Annoyance in their All-Seeing Eyes.

  3. Water, although wet and often cold, can only fill as many buckets as are placed within your hosepipe’s “Zone of Stretch.”

  4. As the Earth orbits the Sun, so a dog orbits the post it is tied to.

  5. Marbles, when lost, gain a greater significance than when stuck in an old cloth bag, in the bottom of a box, in a dark, dusty corner of the attic.

  6. Eating lots of cheese makes you sick.

  7. Power tools, if held at the “business” end and switched on, cause all kinds of trouble.

  8. There are those that will argue that black is white, but orange will always be the colour of baked beans.

  9. There are those that will argue that two plus two equals five, but they are wrong.

  10. Flatulence, in the right company, can be fun, but it can also get you chucked out of posh restaurants.

  11. Never sneak up on a porcupine with a hangover.

  12. Finding coleslaw on your tie is a sure sign that you (or someone nearby) have been eating coleslaw (unless you are wearing one of those new “Coleslaw Ties”).

  13. Chocolate teapots don’t exist, or if they did, they would be a stupid idea, unless they are just for eating (and not for making tea in).

  14. Centipedes and millipedes don’t have as many legs as you would think.

  15. Astronauts and children’s TV presenters are similar in that they are both prone to sneezing fits if you shove large quantities of pepper up their nose.

  16. Tins of soup and tins of paint are not interchangeable.

  17. Petrol lawnmowers, if treated with care and affection, can be friends for life.

  18. A rubber thong is never an appropriate gift for your mother-in-law.

  19. Mother-in-law jokes are so-o-o last century.

  20. Boiled sweets offer little or no protection against an alien invasion.

  21. If you wake up one morning thinking you can fly, the chances are that you are wrong.

  22. If you wake up one morning thinking you are an apricot, and then you look in the mirror and find you are an apricot, it’s time you stopped looking in mirrors and started acting like one.

  23. Nobody likes a self-aware fruit.

  24. If you find that all the fruit in your fruitbowl is becoming self-aware, you had better eat it quick, before it starts a revolution.

  25. There is no such thing as self-aware fruit.

 

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2 comments on “Pointless Proverbs II

  1. Free to think, free to believe... says:

    I have to say one or two of your proverbs aren’t that clear, for example no 22 – do you mean to say start acting like an apricot or a mirror? no 20 – anybody who watched the classic Dr Who with Tom Baker would know that it is Jelly Babies which are the defence against all sorts of things – even liquorice… no 9 – actually there are indeed those mad visionaries that will argue that 2 + 2 = 5 but they will be wrong merely most of the time…

  2. Dan/Peps says:

    Acting like an apricot! Although, of course, in the context of the “Proverbs,” anything is possible… 😉

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