I have become, as I confessed to my partner the other day, A Bit Of An Old Cynic. This came as no surprise to her. She has known me for nearly twenty years.
I have never been a fitting-in-not-complaining type of person – although my complaining tends to have been done in writing, to myself or amongst like-minded folk, on Internet forums or in a sixth form “Burning Issues” group, or whatever. I can safely say, however, that I am now, at 37, a fully fledged member of the I Detest and Disapprove of Almost Every Aspect and Facet of Almost Every System and Organisation of Modern Western Society brigade. For this reason, I don’t (or prefer not to) watch the News. I don’t (or prefer not to) listen to the News. I don’t (or prefer not to) read the News. I don’t want to be “informed,” because everything (well nearly everything) that the News tends to be about annoys me.
I used to love a Good Debate. There was nothing I liked more than spouting off about this, that or the other. Green Issues. Nuclear Weapons. Vegetarianism. The Ills of Capitalism. The Stupidness of “Fashion.” You might have noticed, on this here blog, that I still engage in a bit of spout-offery on various “issues.” I’ll write down what I think, post it blogwise, and that will pretty much be that.
I can’t (generally) be bothered, anymore, trying to convince someone on my rightness on some “issue” or other. I’m right in my head – that’s all that matters!
And… well… perhaps it’s due to my advancing maturity or something… but… I’ve realised that I just don’t enjoy getting all fired up like I used to. It stresses me out. It makes me feel powerless and depressed. There is so much that I believe is fundamentally wrong with the systems and organisations of the society I find myself abiding in. Stuff I can’t change. Stuff I can’t mentally accept, but just have to somehow live with. The News reminds me of this stuff. The News stresses and depresses me.
So I don’t want to be “informed”!
* * *
There is a happy ending to this piece.
At the time of writing, I am a dad of seventeen and a half months. My life is far from trouble-free, but my daughter makes me happy, my family makes me happy. I believe in being a dad. I believe in raising my daughter the best I can, making her as happy as I can. I don’t believe in much about the society which my Talise will become (in some sense) a part of, but I do believe in helping her to become the best person she can within that society.
Being a dad has inspired me.
Having recently been made redundant has inspired me.
I haven’t figured it all out yet, but I am determined my Talise will look up at her Daddy and be proud. Proud that her Daddy is doing something he believes in.
I haven’t figured it all out yet…
But I’ll keep you “informed”… 🙂
[simultaneously posted to The Progenitor and The Art of Tea]