It’s an obsession! People, games consoles, laptops, phones. Why do I even want my phone to be 0.3 microns thick? So I can hold it up to my friends, edge on, and cleverly say, “Ooh, where’s my phone gone?”

Whatever next?! Phones that you can fold up and shove in your ear, like Monkey’s fighting stick in that weird old badly-dubbed Japanese TV series called Monkey? I don’t want to fold up my phone and shove it in my ear! I want it to be a substantial, comfortingly weighty object in my pocket, which I don’t have to pat every 20 seconds to check it’s still there – which I know I would do if my phone was only 0.3 microns thick or as light as a proton! And I don’t want to be one of those frequent pocket patting weirdos! You know the sort! Or maybe you don’t…


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