29 Dec 2005
The mellifluous tones of the nightingale.
“Who are those loutish larrikins, Larry?”
But not before the cloud has risen
And the dogs have scratched their feet
Upon the shore of fried onions and peas.
30 Dec 2005
The Sapphic hegemony of my dreams.
On the first day, I am presented with
The grimoire of the ‘Rules of Conduct’;
This sorcery that turns the wheels, and feeds
31 Dec 2005
The spaghetti-eating bathos of the
Students in their shared accommodation.
1 Jan 2006
The raconteurs of old
Told tales of hidden gold.
The gentleman was avuncular,
Who had a jewel carbuncular.
2 Jan 2006
The salubrity of the air
Of the celebrity’s lair.
3 Jan 2006
When people say “That old chestnut”… which old chestnut do they mean?
4 Jan 2006
towels, spanners, handbags, sausages, rice, Barley Cup, flobbly burgers, muesli, shoes, stubbing one’s toe, poppy pencil, chins, bottoms, “my girlfriend”, babypoo, dribble, sweat, general smelliness, flatulence, skinpores, rancid things, rude words, Jonathan Cainer, hard skin on your feet (and the peeling thereof), sex, flat-pack nipples (and furniture), jumpers, families (eh?!), handy hints (‘n’tips), facial hair, nasal hair, noisy neighbours, catpoo
Tony Blair, Yassar Arrafat, Stephen King, Germaine Greer, Alison Moyet, Malcolm X, Simon Le Bon, Ray Winstone, Gillian McKeith, Suzi Quatro, C.S. Lewis, William Shakespeare, Nigel Harman, Debra Messing, Stephen Fry, Father Christmas, Ricky Gervais, Nigel Planer, Bill Gates